One thing that happily married couples understand is that men and women are fundamentally different. In the Tale of Two Brains, Mark Gungor provides a humorous look into how men and women are wired a bit differently. For many married couples, the realization that men and women are truly different is the first step toward understanding why your spouse behaves the way that they do.
Men truly do think differently as compared to women. Take for example, when Bear decided that it was time to change out some lighting fixtures. When she added "install new light fixture in guest bathroom and downstairs powder room) to my honey-do list, I was a bit puzzled. (Ladies, if you want to learn how to get your husband to do things around the house, click here.)
I hadn't noticed any problem with the lights. Was there some kind of electrical problem that was causing the light not to work? Were sparks flying? Is there a fire hazard? Maybe the switch failed? Was they recently damaged in a bathroom mishap? I tracked Bear down and asked her exactly why the lights needed to be replaced.
Recognizing that she was speaking to Jim the fix-it guy, she explained that the current fixtures were old and outdated (32 years isn't that old), as well as being a poor match for the current decor.
Oh.. now I got it. Looking at the light fixtures from her perspective, it now made sense to me why they needed to be replaced with the new ones that she had purchased. Years ago, however, I would have argued with her, saying nothing was wrong with the current light fixtures and that she was basically nuts to think so.
When I take the time to see and understand things from my wife's perspective, I gain a better understanding of her. As a result, I avoid unnessary conflicts with her and gain a greater understanding of how she sees the world and what is important to her.
When you are with your spouse, do you take pause and attempt to see things from your spouse's perspective? Do you really understand your spouse's nature and view of the world?
Many couples are surprised to learn that they really don't have a good understanding of their spouse's behavior and/or true nature. This can lead to many misunderstandings, conflicts and other issues that can cause many problems in a marriage.
In a future post, we'll take a look at some tools you can use to gain a better understanding of your spouse's behavior.